Water for the Thirsty
Weekly Devotional

15^th August 2010

Sometimes we Christians are deemed to be a humourless bunch. The perception is that we shuffle through life in fear of a strict, narrow, God, with a plentiful supply of thunderbolts to fling at the slightest quip, witticism or droll observance.

It’s time to tickle our funny bones…

A preachers dying wish

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, and covetousness that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."

An atheist visitor

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?...

Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.

The light bulb test

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb?

What do you mean CHANGE?!!!

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?

10, one to change it and 9 others to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of hope to continue to go forth, send in your donation today.

How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

None: Candles only.

How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?

How many Polygamous Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light!

How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?

We choose not to make a statement either in favour of or against the need for a light bulb. However, in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

A Psalm for the television

The TV is my Shepherd, I shall not want anything else.
It maketh me to lie down on the sofa.
It leadeth me away from the Scripture.
It destroyeth my soul.
It leadeth me in the paths of sex and violence for the sponsors sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will enjoy the evil, for blood and gore, they excite me.
It prepares a filthy commercial before me in the presence of my children.
It anoints my head with humanism.
My coveting runneth over.
Surely laziness and ignorance shall follow my family all the days of our lives
and we shall dwell in the house watching TV forever.

Have a good week smiling, ;-)

Pastor Barry

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